So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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