i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
