their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
