what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize