I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
