just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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