it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.