I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
