why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
