Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.

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(256): View more from Alabama

One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.

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(256): View more from Alabama

I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(562): View more from California

at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.

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(914): View more from New York

We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.

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(727): View more from Florida

Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.

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(718): View more from New York

Don't mention it

(718): View more from New York

Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn

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(785): View more from Kansas

How'd your date go last night?

(913): View more from Kansas

Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.

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