my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
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We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
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Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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