Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.

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  (203): I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date. http://tfl.nu/v8b1
  Replies (7) Good night (4035) Bad night (882)
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  (646): View more from New York

  I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me

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  (646): I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me http://tfl.nu/nl48
  Replies (20) Good night (4651) Bad night (919)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.

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  (414): You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door. http://tfl.nu/h0ao
  Replies (20) Good night (5236) Bad night (1076)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.

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  (806): at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap. http://tfl.nu/nba1
  Replies (20) Good night (988) Bad night (7684)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.

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  (416): juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning. http://tfl.nu/mbo9
  Replies (12) Good night (1660) Bad night (888)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."

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  (615): I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do." http://tfl.nu/0gsj
  Replies (8) Good night (3655) Bad night (975)
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  (951): View more from California

  I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.

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  (951): I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting. http://tfl.nu/326h
  Replies (6) Good night (1848) Bad night (692)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws

  (416): View more from Toronto

  That explains the stains on my shirt

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  (647): You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws (416): That explains the stains on my shirt http://tfl.nu/ptlu
  Replies (3) Good night (1407) Bad night (512)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.

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  (832): Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL. http://tfl.nu/25yr
  Replies (3) Good night (1700) Bad night (461)
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  (760): View more from California

  So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.

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  (760): So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related. http://tfl.nu/jwal
  Replies (5) Good night (1400) Bad night (272)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS

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  (608): WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS http://tfl.nu/ztcl
  Replies (2) Good night (260) Bad night (416)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.

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  (614): Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane. http://tfl.nu/2bgv
  Replies (6) Good night (1501) Bad night (257)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!

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  (815): OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST! http://tfl.nu/0ytf
  Replies (6) Good night (275) Bad night (878)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.

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  (860): Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character. http://tfl.nu/v0k6
  Replies (4) Good night (563) Bad night (327)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse

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  (719): I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse http://tfl.nu/h22m
  Replies (2) Good night (745) Bad night (291)

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