I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?