Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
