Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Pregnant stripper...not hot.

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  (734): Pregnant stripper...not hot. http://tfl.nu/9fe2
  Replies (20) Good night (686) Bad night (1615)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Together?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Preferably.

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  (847): So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch. (541): Together? (847): Preferably. http://tfl.nu/lik5
  Replies (21) Good night (3401) Bad night (626)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll

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  (336): Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll http://tfl.nu/6m63
  Replies (27) Good night (5776) Bad night (1396)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...

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  (806): Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can... http://tfl.nu/qmq9
  Replies (21) Good night (618) Bad night (3049)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.

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  (602): im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child. http://tfl.nu/zwuo
  Replies (16) Good night (1776) Bad night (3987)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.

  (786): View more from Florida

  that would mean it's on tape

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  (804): i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately. (804): i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof. (786): that would mean it's on tape http://tfl.nu/zipf
  Replies (6) Good night (3963) Bad night (988)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.

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  (940): Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses. http://tfl.nu/a1yl
  Replies (11) Good night (3722) Bad night (893)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.

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  (440): I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray. http://tfl.nu/d3w5
  Replies (10) Good night (1809) Bad night (997)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon

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  (708): I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon http://tfl.nu/l3g6
  Replies (2) Good night (1190) Bad night (606)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.

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  (812): My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete. http://tfl.nu/hbes
  Replies (1) Good night (1023) Bad night (367)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I need Jameson.

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.

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  (540): I need Jameson. (240): Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot. http://tfl.nu/qo8a
  Replies (7) Good night (1355) Bad night (509)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me

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  (425): Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me http://tfl.nu/l6rg
  Replies (1) Good night (287) Bad night (530)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  My life hurts

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake

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  (615): My life hurts (615): I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake http://tfl.nu/1mlr
  Replies (2) Good night (263) Bad night (404)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Just had my very first high conversation with mom

  (541): View more from Oregon

  And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts

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  (503): Just had my very first high conversation with mom (541): And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts http://tfl.nu/2tag
  Replies (0) Good night (521) Bad night (247)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.

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  (317): I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before. http://tfl.nu/0l7m
  Replies (4) Good night (390) Bad night (421)

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