so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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