you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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