Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
