I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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