I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
