bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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