I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
