my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
