I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
