he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think your dad took our porno
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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