It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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