we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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