Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
