I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
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when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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