i barfeds in our rink
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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