I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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