I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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