I swear she didn't look like that last week.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders