Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic