She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
