i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
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You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face