I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
