she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing