Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
