we're blogging at a bar
I need help removing her.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
