did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
