so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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