haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You are a genius and a whore.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
