you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
