It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
