I have demons in me.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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