shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
