I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
