In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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