I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
