I have demons in me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
