i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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