i already hear my dad disowning me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
