she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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