Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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