I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The power of my boobs compel you
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
