1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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