I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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