Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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