Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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