Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
