it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
