You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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