I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
