Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
