I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
