This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
