What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
