New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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