you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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