Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
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