Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
