If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
