you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
