there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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