he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
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He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
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I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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