my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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