In the future we'll all be gay
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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