last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
