...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
it was like eating out sand paper
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
