I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Is it penis luge time yet?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
