i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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