I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
