I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
