you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
