Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
3pm strippers are depressing
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
