You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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