This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
