I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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