Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
