Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
