you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
